Some times we let life cloud our view

What does that mean? Well... Ginny's story Darcy the Dream Dragon reminded me that some times we let life cloud our view. I remember 4 1/2 years ago my daughter; Zoe, then 3 years old woke up and came down stairs and sat on my lap, like she did every day. She was facing me on my lap and laying there she said "Mommy, you have a baby in your belly". I was of course shocked because we had never talked about babies being in your belly, and what she also didn't know is that my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for 11 months and we had gone to a fertility Dr. I had a few surgeries and with the doctors help we decided this would be the last month to leave it to chance. I was going to start fertility meds and then go through Invetro if necessary in less then 30 days.

I looked at Zoe and say "Honey, what did you just say?" and she lay back against me and say in a sleepy voice (very matter of fact) "You have a baby in your belly" and all I could say was "No, I don't" with a tear coming down my cheek.

For the next 3 weeks I took a pregnancy test every day (sometimes more then once) with no signs of life. The third week we were at Disney World and yes, I took my pregnancy tests with me waiting for the good news every time I took one. Something was different this week, it was showing a very faint positive with a strong negative. What? I thought, is this some kind of joke? If you have ever had a hard time conceiving you know how hard it is and if you have never been in my shoes let me just say it takes EVERYTHING, mentally and physically out of you every time you find out it didn't happen again.

Well being on vacation with my family, my sister and her family and my mother it's hard to hide when you just have nothing left. It's also hard when you are not getting on rides (and I LOVE rides!) and your not drinking even though you don't need to drive even once this week. Needless to say, I was a little different then I normally would have been, I normally enjoy every day (or at least most) and I love to live.

My family finally wouldn't just take "I'm not feeling that well" as an excuse any more and I told them what happened. Then it happened, exactly what I knew would happen. Did I finally get a positive you ask? No, I had my family either at my hotel door every morning waiting for the daily report or calling on the phone. Now this just adds to the disappointment because it's not just my husband and I going through it it's now also my family saying "I'm so sorry".

I left Florida and Disney feeling a little down and that's not a way to feel when you have been fortunate enough to spend the week with your family there.

But... when we got home I had a positive pregnancy test and I was finally expecting again. I had told a few people what had happened with Zoe and strangely enough the same thing happened with someone I know and their daughter. Some how when you are young you can just hear thing, granted it's never your parents but maybe that's why kids can't hear their parents; because the universe is so loud and has such amazing things to say.

So again, I think as we grow up we let life could our view or filter out what the universe has to say.

You might be wondering why I'm telling you this or what it has to do with MPM. I'm telling you this because Ginny's amazing story reminded me of this on the call this morning and so I thought I would share it. Ginny often says she always journal's because it is a way for her to stop and listen and things come to her. It's nice that she can sit quietly and hear what the universe has to tell her. I often wish I had this as part of my daily routine and maybe one day I will when the house is not always so busy and loud. Maybe we should all take a moment in a quiet place (and for some of us moms with little kids that may be hard) and hear what the universe has to offer.

This also relates to the contacts that some people are having a hard time getting in touch with. It may be busy and loud in their life and maybe they don't have a quiet place to stop and listen but don't give up on them. Let them know how you can help now while they are crazy and let them know that when the holidays are over how you can and will help them then.

As of today Boot Camper's have been released of requirements until the beginning of the year but I will be building every day as well as reading all of the blogs every day. I will continue to help build the future for every person I meet who wants to help themselves. I hope you will all do the same.